Leaving Bellingham felt much different this time. There are so many memories there now. It is the first place I made a home for myself, and I fell in love with the town. I know that I probably will not live there again, and if I do it will be a long time from now. I went to practice my last day in town and spent some time being nostalgic at Lakewood. I remember this feeling from leaving high school. I was happy with Odyssey and JagWire and all of my friends, and leaving them felt scary and kind of like putting my whole life in a blender. I feel that way again now. Like my life is getting dumped into a blender and I don't know what it will look like after the mix-up is done. The thing is I was happy in college too. I left one wonderful community and found another, or built another for myself. The blending parts of life are good for me. I grow and change and learn from my life and the world. I am leaving people I love very much in Bellingham, places that hold cherished memories, and pieces of myself. There are things that are unresolved there, but it is time to move on.
Yesterday I mailed my laptop back, researched banking, and goofed around most of the day. Today I am cleaning and packing and washing things from snowshoeing. I feel like I have a million things to do, and also like I'm spinning my wheels at the same time.
I think I'm preparing for goodbyes.
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